“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner was you.” – Lewis B. Smedes.

     When my mother passed away in 2000, I was devastated. It left me with a deep sense of guilt. I felt guilty for having not been there in her final days. I felt guilty that I was not there during her last 2 years of life. I felt guilty for not being a good son to the mother who gave me life and gave me everything after that. I felt guilty that I did not properly support her in her living years. I felt so much guilt that I cried for weeks and weeks. I did not eat or sleep properly. I was a ghost. No matter where I was I could just break down in tears if even just thought of my mother. I hated myself so much. I punished myself so much. I punished myself consciously and subconsciously. Whenever something good would happen, I would sabotage it because I didn’t think I deserved it. I remember always feeling down and getting sick all the time and blaming it on the cold. In time things got better but there was always the inner guilt that I could not shake. It held me down like a weight of bricks. After about 1 year of misery, I had a talk with a friend. It was a short conversation and I revealed how much guilt I was feeling still. He said he didn’t know if any of my guilty feelings were valid or not but he gave me the one tool I needed to move forward. The ability to forgive myself. Forgiving myself for the past that was either perceived or fact was the key. It wasn’t an instant solution. It took time for me to have the courage to forgive myself. Little by little it happened over time.

     I learned by forgiving myself I could allow myself to feel some happiness, and that I could accept good things. I mean, that’s exactly what my mother would want for me.  Right?

     To take it a step further, 20 years later I would leave the Wall Street world. On my journey to open my Fitness business I came to a realization. There were broken relationships that I left behind with former colleagues that I also considered friends at the time. They were friends no more. The working relationship was broken and so was the friendship because of some conflict within the workplace. I could usually trace it back to being wronged at some point by the offending party. From then on it was just an unpleasant working relationship. Except it wasn’t just in the workplace. I carried anger and resentment around. Whenever I thought of that person, I would rage silently. I’m a person that’s supposed to be a motivator and help people and here I am resenting someone that’s probably not even thinking about me.

The forgiveness thing isn’t just for myself. It’s for others too even if it was their fault. You see, what I realized was that forgiveness isn’t to release the offender of guilt. You forgive that person so you can be releases and move on.

Advice,

Everyone has someone in their life they have not spoken to in a long time. It could be family, friends, or a former colleague. Maybe you don’t even like them for some reason. Send them a text, email or call to say you were just thinking about them and wanted to know how they were. I did this many years ago and the person changed me life.